When our home was broken into I went to my daughters room and threw away all of her Justin Bieber things. I told her the burglars took them.
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One Does Not Simply Get in the shower and then turn the water on
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If you're asking a stranger to take a picture for you Pick a heavyset person that couldn't outrun you with your camera
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I don't always get my hair cut short but when I do, i use way too much shampoo the next day
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I don't always iron but when I do I add a new, crisper wrinkle for every wrinkle I get rid of
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If a dvd won't let you skip the previews press stop twice then play. Skips to the beginning of the movie
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If you're ever pulled over at night, turn on your dome lights. It's a courtesy that shows you have nothing to hide, puts the officer at ease and may help you get away with only a warning.
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The three treadmills to my left were open and she chose the one right next to me So I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious
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How My Wife Sees Her Purse
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First Day driving to school forgets and rides the bus home
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North Korea didn't blow up my house Today was a good day
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uploads picture in hopes of being internet famous complete success
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Move to put arm around girl accidentally elbow her face
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I don't care if you were saying "Bless you" to someone who sneezed you were talking during a test, you get a zero and a detention
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freeze mentos in ice cubes serve time bomb sodas
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not sure if buying in bulk is going to save me money or im just going to eat twice as much
